I don't know how three months escaped me without posting, but I guess it has. The good news is that I've now lost 35 pounds and just realized that this places me just nine pounds heavier than my driver's license claims! I began this journey at 294 and I'm now at 259, exactly nine pounds heavier than my license has claimed for years and years. It's funny how I notice small accomplishments along the way to my goal.
On another note, last spring my cholesterol was the lowest it's ever been and both Ann, my doctor, and i were delighted. I could see how the changes I'd maded were making a significant impact on my health and it felt good. I couldn't see eating any differently.
THEN summer struck and I began to fall into eating only two meals a day and driving through McD's when I was running short on time or wanted to enjoy the summer instead of cooking and taking care of myself. It began to take its toll even more when I started dating someone who liked to dine out as much as I do. By the time I went in for a routine visit in mid-September, my cholesterol readings were the worst they've ever been; I had lost all that I had gained. To add further insult, the doctor I saw this time is a much younger one that I am who thinks that I haven't a brain in my head and needs to inform me that "cholesterol comes from meat" and "skim milk is better than whole milk." Lord. She wants me to walk three times a week when my right ankle feels like a knife is stabbing into it by spells (one of the reasons I had been in to see the doctor in the first place about six weeks ago) and she's just now ordering an x-ray.
Enough venting. No one is responsible for my eating and exercising except me and I am the only one who can make a change in my life. I'm beginning to do better again with eating and hope to begin walking more, as my ankle allows. I think my outlook is good and I know that I will reach my goal of 170 - 175 lb.; whether I achieve this goal by March, I doubt, but I will reach it.
And did I mention I can now wear an 18/20 generally, an XL in jackets, and a 24 in jeans? That's down from 26/28, 3x, and 28, respectively. :D I guess I need to focus on the positive....
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Slow progress, but progress...I'll take it!
June has been a month of struggle for me, but luckily, I have a great team of people helping me on this journey. Debbie Pepper-Dougherty reminded me that obesity is a chronic disease and that it won't be "cured" quickly; it is best to look over each day and think about how the choices I made could be improved even further. Sally said that as I dive into facing the fears that have held me back from taking care of myself in the past, the journey may slow down and plateau. I need to be patient and not think that I'm a failure if I don't lose weight for a week or two. Espahbad seemed thrilled when I told him, "I've fallen off the weight loss wagon! I feel horrible!" He laughed, listened, and then wisely said, "Oh, good! You've gotten into the (bad stuff) and you're dealing with it. That's good!" Let me tell you, it didn't feel good at the time. ;)
My subsequent hypnosis sessions have been good, but the one yesterday was probably the most powerful. I feel rejuvenated and able to handle anything. Cindy and I walked at the Runnals Trails at Colby today and it was great to huff and puff my way up the hills and then enjoy the serenity of the pine needle-covered trails under the trees. Sophie and Coolidge sniffed, played, and trotted along with us, reminding me that movement brings happiness and contentment. I surprise myself when I'm able to walk on trails for an hour or more. This is progress.
Last time I checked my weight, it was 267, but that was last week. I see Debbie on Tuesday and so I will hold off from weighing in anywhere until then. I want to walk at least twice more and hope that the exercise, paired with my good eating habits, will bring about more success. I'm looking forward to being below 260, a place I haven't been since I was in my early 30s. I would love to be around 230 before school starts. Wow! Just imagine. :)
My subsequent hypnosis sessions have been good, but the one yesterday was probably the most powerful. I feel rejuvenated and able to handle anything. Cindy and I walked at the Runnals Trails at Colby today and it was great to huff and puff my way up the hills and then enjoy the serenity of the pine needle-covered trails under the trees. Sophie and Coolidge sniffed, played, and trotted along with us, reminding me that movement brings happiness and contentment. I surprise myself when I'm able to walk on trails for an hour or more. This is progress.
Last time I checked my weight, it was 267, but that was last week. I see Debbie on Tuesday and so I will hold off from weighing in anywhere until then. I want to walk at least twice more and hope that the exercise, paired with my good eating habits, will bring about more success. I'm looking forward to being below 260, a place I haven't been since I was in my early 30s. I would love to be around 230 before school starts. Wow! Just imagine. :)
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
One size down!
After losing 22 lb. since Jan./Feb., I am finally able to go down a size in both tops and pants! I am currently wearing a size 2X (20 - 22) shirt and a 24 pant, both from JC Penney. It feels so good to me and I'm thrilled that I'm seeing success. To put this further into perspective, I have not been able to buy pants at JCP for years so wearing this pair has put me on cloud nine.
I am still struggling with getting to the gym or even getting out for a walk, but I will get there. I am trying hard not to beat myself up about these struggles, but to recognize I am making tremendous progress and to accept that. As I implement more and more healthy activities and meals into my life, it will be easier.
I would like to be at a total loss of 30 - 35 lb. by June 20.
I am still struggling with getting to the gym or even getting out for a walk, but I will get there. I am trying hard not to beat myself up about these struggles, but to recognize I am making tremendous progress and to accept that. As I implement more and more healthy activities and meals into my life, it will be easier.
I would like to be at a total loss of 30 - 35 lb. by June 20.
Friday, May 16, 2008
End of school year goal
There are five weeks left before school lets out and my goal is to lose 10 - 15 lb. in that time period. More than that will be "gravy" (no pun intended) and will help me to be well on my way to 170.
Along with the weight goal, I also will stop by L.L. Bean's to look at kayaks so I can begin to decide which one I will buy as my reward. I hope there is one that I can take Sophie (my Lab) with me, but she weighs sixty pounds so maybe what I need is more like a canoe....
Along with the weight goal, I also will stop by L.L. Bean's to look at kayaks so I can begin to decide which one I will buy as my reward. I hope there is one that I can take Sophie (my Lab) with me, but she weighs sixty pounds so maybe what I need is more like a canoe....
May 16
So much has happened in these past days. Last week I went to Portland to meet with G. Espahbad Dodd, a hypnotherapist who was recommended to me by Dr. Kim Bailey, a friend of mine who happens to be my chiropractor. I was open to the idea of seeing a hypnotist and Kim had said that two of her patients had seen him and each had lost about sixty pounds. Because my goal is to get to 170 - 175 lb. and that would mean I still have about 100 lb. to go, I called Espahbad and asked if he could help me. After a short conversation and affirmation from him, I made the appointment for a Friday afternoon and had my first hypnosis session after an appointment with my dermatologist (also in Portland).
Espahbad's office/home is a delightful third-floor walk-up located across from the park. Shoes are to be taken off before entering and it immediately feels comfortable, relaxing, and like an extension of home. Espahbad's energy and positivity is infectious and I found myself sharing my past history of diets tried and failed, exercise programs that I didn't think I was worth following, and what role food has played over the years. I watched a video by Cal Banyan on hypnosis and what it is and isn't. I had heard some of the information during college while studying for the concentration in psychology that I have.
After about an hour or so of talking over my history and goals with Espahbad, we went into the next room where I would have my hypnosis session. He had me sit in a comfortable chair and he sat, facing me, in a rocking chair next to me. He asked if it was OK if he touch my forehead, shoulder, arm, and hand, to which I consented.
Most of the hypnosis session felt like I was super-relaxed and just listening to Espahbad and suggestions. My eyes were closed and I felt as if I would fall asleep at any minute, but my mind felt active. I was very attentive to every word he said and once in a while, he would ask me a question and ask me to indicate an answer by lifting my finger. Occasionally, he would touch my arm, which seemed to help me re-focus on his words.
I had been concerned before that I would be tired after the session and not be able to drive home; I shouldn't have been worried. Although I yawned a few times, for the most part I was refreshed and energized. It felt good to sing along with the radio the whole trip home and be able to pick out something for dinner at Sam's Italian Shop without obsessing about what to eat. I ate only half of the sandwich and felt satisfied. Instead of a soda, I drank a water I had taken with me. I even saw whoopie pies and thought how great they looked, but they didn't tempt me. It was as if a switch had been thrown from obsession to "normalcy."
The rest of the week was amazing. Even though typical things happened (Willow peed on the floor, the yard needed work, bills arrived), my attitude was much better and food was not linked to solving issues.
I followed the suggestions I have heard before: drink plenty of water, drink a glass of water before a meal, eat at the table, etc. I struggle with eating at the table, so I made this one a priority and swept the clutter off the kitchen table and prettied it up with a single candlestick. Every night (although at first I felt foolish), I light my candle and enjoy what I've called "Quiet Time" while dining. Did I lose weight? Yes and no. I lost three-quarters of a pound to equal my first twenty-pound loss, but then my weight fluctuated and I gained a bit. Yikes! How could that be? My eating for the past week has felt 100% "clean" and appropriate, so I'm assuming that it's because of water weight. When I weighed in this morning, I had lost so that now I'm at 273, a 21 lb. loss!
I have to say that what feels best is how my clothes are feeling. I can take off my jeans without undoing the button or zipper (TMI? LOL), my shirts feel like I need to buy a smaller size again (from 26/28 in January, now at a 22/24, soon to necessitate an 18/20), and pants don't bind at all.
Links to Espahbad's and Kim's websites are included on the main page of this blog.
Espahbad's office/home is a delightful third-floor walk-up located across from the park. Shoes are to be taken off before entering and it immediately feels comfortable, relaxing, and like an extension of home. Espahbad's energy and positivity is infectious and I found myself sharing my past history of diets tried and failed, exercise programs that I didn't think I was worth following, and what role food has played over the years. I watched a video by Cal Banyan on hypnosis and what it is and isn't. I had heard some of the information during college while studying for the concentration in psychology that I have.
After about an hour or so of talking over my history and goals with Espahbad, we went into the next room where I would have my hypnosis session. He had me sit in a comfortable chair and he sat, facing me, in a rocking chair next to me. He asked if it was OK if he touch my forehead, shoulder, arm, and hand, to which I consented.
Most of the hypnosis session felt like I was super-relaxed and just listening to Espahbad and suggestions. My eyes were closed and I felt as if I would fall asleep at any minute, but my mind felt active. I was very attentive to every word he said and once in a while, he would ask me a question and ask me to indicate an answer by lifting my finger. Occasionally, he would touch my arm, which seemed to help me re-focus on his words.
I had been concerned before that I would be tired after the session and not be able to drive home; I shouldn't have been worried. Although I yawned a few times, for the most part I was refreshed and energized. It felt good to sing along with the radio the whole trip home and be able to pick out something for dinner at Sam's Italian Shop without obsessing about what to eat. I ate only half of the sandwich and felt satisfied. Instead of a soda, I drank a water I had taken with me. I even saw whoopie pies and thought how great they looked, but they didn't tempt me. It was as if a switch had been thrown from obsession to "normalcy."
The rest of the week was amazing. Even though typical things happened (Willow peed on the floor, the yard needed work, bills arrived), my attitude was much better and food was not linked to solving issues.
I followed the suggestions I have heard before: drink plenty of water, drink a glass of water before a meal, eat at the table, etc. I struggle with eating at the table, so I made this one a priority and swept the clutter off the kitchen table and prettied it up with a single candlestick. Every night (although at first I felt foolish), I light my candle and enjoy what I've called "Quiet Time" while dining. Did I lose weight? Yes and no. I lost three-quarters of a pound to equal my first twenty-pound loss, but then my weight fluctuated and I gained a bit. Yikes! How could that be? My eating for the past week has felt 100% "clean" and appropriate, so I'm assuming that it's because of water weight. When I weighed in this morning, I had lost so that now I'm at 273, a 21 lb. loss!
I have to say that what feels best is how my clothes are feeling. I can take off my jeans without undoing the button or zipper (TMI? LOL), my shirts feel like I need to buy a smaller size again (from 26/28 in January, now at a 22/24, soon to necessitate an 18/20), and pants don't bind at all.
Links to Espahbad's and Kim's websites are included on the main page of this blog.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Sidelined, but not Sidetracked
For someone who is accustomed to getting sinus infections fairly frequently, I would think that I would be able to recognize the symptoms and derail it from becoming bad. I would think so, but it just didn't happen that way and I'm struck down by one yet again. So I have lost two days of work, have zero energy, and feel lousy. I've not exercised since Tuesday night at Littlefield's when I couldn't figure out why I didn't have any steam while doing my workout. Rather than being rejuvenated and feeling the endorphins kick in, I was dragging my butt out of there that night. I had begun to doubt whether I had what it would take to lose weight and keep up the workouts.
Once I woke up on Wednesday to nausea and a pounding sinus headache, I put two and two together and called in. While I am feeling better now that I've had four days of antibiotics, I know that I will need to go easy on walking or going to the gym until my body has more strength. When I try to do too much, I end up feeling worse.
Eating-wise, sinus infections make me feel sick and not many foods appeal to me; however, the ones that do are the "bad"foods: salty, greasy, etc. Sometimes I feel like I'm Snow White and my evil, seven dwarfs, Salty, Greasy, Crunchy, Nutty, Chocolate, Sweetie, and Carb, follow me into the Healthy Forest. I know I've overeaten a bit this weekend, but I haven't succumbed to any of the dwarfs.
I see the dietitian for PCOS help, Debbie Pepper-Dougherty, in Westbrook on May 22. I saw one of her associates a few years ago and felt that I needed a tune-up for my eating plan. While I like a lot of what she had said, I need more practical advice for how to sustain it. I also have not begun a food journal and I know that this is the first thing I will be asked. I know that food journals work because I've used them before and experienced success. I just can't seem to find one that is easy to use and yes, I've tried the online ones. They're too time-consuming.
On May 9, I am headed to Portland to meet with G. Espabad Dodd, a hypnotherapist recommended by my chiropractor, Kim Bailey. She felt he could be helpful to me because she has a couple patients who have lost sixty pounds after seeing him for weight issues. So far I am impressed with his professionalism and demeanor and looking forward to meeting with him. At times I feel like I am chasing mirages that will not truly help me lose weight, but another part of me has to have hope. I feel I have a wonderful "Village" with me on this journey and I appreciate each and every one of you who has supported me.
As Scarlet O'Hara said, "Tomorrow is another day!"
Once I woke up on Wednesday to nausea and a pounding sinus headache, I put two and two together and called in. While I am feeling better now that I've had four days of antibiotics, I know that I will need to go easy on walking or going to the gym until my body has more strength. When I try to do too much, I end up feeling worse.
Eating-wise, sinus infections make me feel sick and not many foods appeal to me; however, the ones that do are the "bad"foods: salty, greasy, etc. Sometimes I feel like I'm Snow White and my evil, seven dwarfs, Salty, Greasy, Crunchy, Nutty, Chocolate, Sweetie, and Carb, follow me into the Healthy Forest. I know I've overeaten a bit this weekend, but I haven't succumbed to any of the dwarfs.
I see the dietitian for PCOS help, Debbie Pepper-Dougherty, in Westbrook on May 22. I saw one of her associates a few years ago and felt that I needed a tune-up for my eating plan. While I like a lot of what she had said, I need more practical advice for how to sustain it. I also have not begun a food journal and I know that this is the first thing I will be asked. I know that food journals work because I've used them before and experienced success. I just can't seem to find one that is easy to use and yes, I've tried the online ones. They're too time-consuming.
On May 9, I am headed to Portland to meet with G. Espabad Dodd, a hypnotherapist recommended by my chiropractor, Kim Bailey. She felt he could be helpful to me because she has a couple patients who have lost sixty pounds after seeing him for weight issues. So far I am impressed with his professionalism and demeanor and looking forward to meeting with him. At times I feel like I am chasing mirages that will not truly help me lose weight, but another part of me has to have hope. I feel I have a wonderful "Village" with me on this journey and I appreciate each and every one of you who has supported me.
As Scarlet O'Hara said, "Tomorrow is another day!"
Monday, April 28, 2008
New Yahoo! Group
Because of requests, I have begun a Yahoo! Group. It is also called "Live Brave" in order to connect to this blog. The purpose of the group is to share support with each other while we are on our weight loss journey. I will take suggestions and/or answer questions: ellenmaine@gmail.com.
To begin the process to join the group, click on this link http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/live_brave/ and then "JOIN" when you see it.
Come join us! :)
To begin the process to join the group, click on this link http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/live_brave/ and then "JOIN" when you see it.
Come join us! :)
First Major Accomplishment!
Well, as of today I am down eighteen pounds since January. Woo hoo! Go, me! :) I was 294 in January and now I'm 276 as of today. (I'm using the scale in the nurse's office at school.)
I recognize how great this is, but I know that I need to continue taking each day as it comes so I won't lose sight of the "continuous goals" I have. Along with this weight loss, I have gone down a dress size from a 26/28 to a 22/24; I haven't worn this size since early last summer. My goal size is a 14/16.
My next major goal is to lose eighteen more pounds to get to 258. I am so tempted to set a date of attaining this goal; however, I know myself and that might set me back if I think I have more time to accomplish it or get discouraged if I don't.
Along with a weight loss and dress size achievement, I also am finding that I'm much stronger and more energetic in my daily life. I love walking and going to the gym and I find myself looking for more active pasttimes than watching TV, being on the computer, or reading.
I made up two different main dishes, side dishes, and vegetables last Tuesday and then made my own frozen dinners. I've brought one today with a recipe I'll probably make again: Crockpot Goulash. It has red cabbage, lean pork, onion, garlic, and caraway seed. Just before it's served, light sour cream is added. I included rice and green beans on the side and made sure that half of the dish was green beans rather than the main dish.
I recognize how great this is, but I know that I need to continue taking each day as it comes so I won't lose sight of the "continuous goals" I have. Along with this weight loss, I have gone down a dress size from a 26/28 to a 22/24; I haven't worn this size since early last summer. My goal size is a 14/16.
My next major goal is to lose eighteen more pounds to get to 258. I am so tempted to set a date of attaining this goal; however, I know myself and that might set me back if I think I have more time to accomplish it or get discouraged if I don't.
Along with a weight loss and dress size achievement, I also am finding that I'm much stronger and more energetic in my daily life. I love walking and going to the gym and I find myself looking for more active pasttimes than watching TV, being on the computer, or reading.
I made up two different main dishes, side dishes, and vegetables last Tuesday and then made my own frozen dinners. I've brought one today with a recipe I'll probably make again: Crockpot Goulash. It has red cabbage, lean pork, onion, garlic, and caraway seed. Just before it's served, light sour cream is added. I included rice and green beans on the side and made sure that half of the dish was green beans rather than the main dish.
Monday, April 21, 2008
How did this begin? Long-winded. LOL
I started this journey at 294 in January of 2008. I am not proud of that weight and it was a result of binge eating, overeating in general, poor food choices, and lack of exercise. I had gotten to the point of not caring about myself and not seeing the point in caring. I feel I am like the proverbial ostrich who sticks her head in the sand and doesn't want to face facts.
Then I had an appointment with Dr. Linda Fay, my Ob/Gyn, who started off my yearly appointment by talking to me about gastric bypass or lap-band surgery. And she talked for about half an hour about the reasons why I needed to lose weight and how it is imperative to my health. She told me that my list of meds keeps getting longer each time she sees me and she's right. Meds that I take for having high cholesterol (since eighteen), acid reflux, hypothyroidism, etc. might be reduced if I reach a healthy weight. Of course, I am banking on not having sleep apnea once my BMI is at an acceptable level. It is the sleep apnea that is most troublesome to my daily living and I hate wearing the C-PAP device that I have because it's so uncomfortable. Anyway, Dr. Fay propelled me into action. She is probably one of the most inspirational speakers I have ever met and I respect her immensely. I asked her for the names of some doctors who perform the Weight Loss Surgery (WLS) and she gave me the name of Dr. McKee in Augusta. I went home and called the number, was told that there was an initial seminar coming up on April 10, signed up for it, and began doing research online about various procedures. That's when I learned that, as much as I want and need to lose weight, I don't want surgery.
I no longer see WLS as a cop out; however, I know that surgery is surgery and with it comes risk. My best friend, Anna*, supported me the night of the WLS seminar in Waterville and attended with me. She continually told me how proud of me she is and that she and her husband, Lee, will do whatever it takes for me to be healthy. (I don't know what I'd do without them.) We arrived at the seminar at 5:50 and the room was packed then. I'd estimate that the room holds 100 people and that there were 95 in attendance by the time the seminar was underway. Dr. Treu, a partner to Dr. McKee, was the speaker and he spoke at length on the history of obesity in our country, procedures, outcomes, risks, side effects, etc. All the while, I felt as if I could barely breathe. The room was filled with FAT people...and I hated that I was one of them. I could see the look of desperation in their faces and wondered if I had the same look.
"No," I argued, "I have a look of resolve. I am resolved that I need to take off this weight and I am here for research on the best way to do this."
The room was hot, cramped, and stuffy. I began to understand what it must be like for my mother, who has claustrophobia, and felt trapped. I wanted to leave, but I didn't want to have to crawl over the people who were there...didn't want to see their looks of pity or disgust that this fat woman couldn't hear the truth. I stayed.
Afterward, Anna* and I sat in my car and talked for about an hour. I had written notes to Anna* during the presentation.
"I hate being here."
"I don't feel like I fit in."
"I don't think I've given exercise and a food plan a 100% commitment for an extended amount of time."
Which is why I'm now at the point of this journey. I have to say that since that date, it feels as if I have been giving a 100% effort to being healthy. Is it enough? It is. If I do this for two or three months and I experience only "marginal" success, I will know that I am unable to be at a healthy weight on my own; I will go through with WLS. If I find that exercise and an eating plan is successful, I will continue. I have to: WLS requires numerous sacrifices and exercise and an eating plan are required for that, too. Either way, it's a lifetime commitment to me and I'm gaining years on my longevity.
Oh, by the way, my last weigh-in was 280. I'm hoping for at least a two-pound weight loss by 4/28. And by "hoping for" I mean, "please let it be at least five pounds." LOL
*Name has been changed.
Then I had an appointment with Dr. Linda Fay, my Ob/Gyn, who started off my yearly appointment by talking to me about gastric bypass or lap-band surgery. And she talked for about half an hour about the reasons why I needed to lose weight and how it is imperative to my health. She told me that my list of meds keeps getting longer each time she sees me and she's right. Meds that I take for having high cholesterol (since eighteen), acid reflux, hypothyroidism, etc. might be reduced if I reach a healthy weight. Of course, I am banking on not having sleep apnea once my BMI is at an acceptable level. It is the sleep apnea that is most troublesome to my daily living and I hate wearing the C-PAP device that I have because it's so uncomfortable. Anyway, Dr. Fay propelled me into action. She is probably one of the most inspirational speakers I have ever met and I respect her immensely. I asked her for the names of some doctors who perform the Weight Loss Surgery (WLS) and she gave me the name of Dr. McKee in Augusta. I went home and called the number, was told that there was an initial seminar coming up on April 10, signed up for it, and began doing research online about various procedures. That's when I learned that, as much as I want and need to lose weight, I don't want surgery.
I no longer see WLS as a cop out; however, I know that surgery is surgery and with it comes risk. My best friend, Anna*, supported me the night of the WLS seminar in Waterville and attended with me. She continually told me how proud of me she is and that she and her husband, Lee, will do whatever it takes for me to be healthy. (I don't know what I'd do without them.) We arrived at the seminar at 5:50 and the room was packed then. I'd estimate that the room holds 100 people and that there were 95 in attendance by the time the seminar was underway. Dr. Treu, a partner to Dr. McKee, was the speaker and he spoke at length on the history of obesity in our country, procedures, outcomes, risks, side effects, etc. All the while, I felt as if I could barely breathe. The room was filled with FAT people...and I hated that I was one of them. I could see the look of desperation in their faces and wondered if I had the same look.
"No," I argued, "I have a look of resolve. I am resolved that I need to take off this weight and I am here for research on the best way to do this."
The room was hot, cramped, and stuffy. I began to understand what it must be like for my mother, who has claustrophobia, and felt trapped. I wanted to leave, but I didn't want to have to crawl over the people who were there...didn't want to see their looks of pity or disgust that this fat woman couldn't hear the truth. I stayed.
Afterward, Anna* and I sat in my car and talked for about an hour. I had written notes to Anna* during the presentation.
"I hate being here."
"I don't feel like I fit in."
"I don't think I've given exercise and a food plan a 100% commitment for an extended amount of time."
Which is why I'm now at the point of this journey. I have to say that since that date, it feels as if I have been giving a 100% effort to being healthy. Is it enough? It is. If I do this for two or three months and I experience only "marginal" success, I will know that I am unable to be at a healthy weight on my own; I will go through with WLS. If I find that exercise and an eating plan is successful, I will continue. I have to: WLS requires numerous sacrifices and exercise and an eating plan are required for that, too. Either way, it's a lifetime commitment to me and I'm gaining years on my longevity.
Oh, by the way, my last weigh-in was 280. I'm hoping for at least a two-pound weight loss by 4/28. And by "hoping for" I mean, "please let it be at least five pounds." LOL
*Name has been changed.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Changes
I've had this blog for a week now and it's helped me tremendously as far as being honest with myself. Since being featured on the Littlefield's Gym homepage one day, I feel that I can't let anyone down, most of all myself. I've had a great week as far as eating and moving more. I only went to the gym one night, Tuesday, but I've walked at least fifteen minutes each day and some days an hour! Tonight I am headed over to a friend's house to watch a movie and I'm putting on my walking shoes so I can walk to her house, which is a bit over a mile away. I never would have done this before so I know that I'm stronger already.
At the suggestion of my friend Jeff, I went to Caswell's Liquidation and bought a package of divided plates so I can make meals ahead of time. The plan is to make three main dishes and sides, save out some for the week, and freeze the rest so I will have ready-made, preservative-free choices. I have washed twelve plates for this and have my Sharpie pen at the ready for labeling contents and date frozen. I selected three dishes from my favorite cookbook "Saving Dinner the Low Carb Way" by Leanne Ely and will start preparing soon. At this point, I still have some choices in my freezer that I want to consume before turning it over to "Meal Heaven." :)
Off for my walk!
At the suggestion of my friend Jeff, I went to Caswell's Liquidation and bought a package of divided plates so I can make meals ahead of time. The plan is to make three main dishes and sides, save out some for the week, and freeze the rest so I will have ready-made, preservative-free choices. I have washed twelve plates for this and have my Sharpie pen at the ready for labeling contents and date frozen. I selected three dishes from my favorite cookbook "Saving Dinner the Low Carb Way" by Leanne Ely and will start preparing soon. At this point, I still have some choices in my freezer that I want to consume before turning it over to "Meal Heaven." :)
Off for my walk!
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Goal Setting
I neglected to post yesterday, but I did spend considerable time debating my short and long-term goals for my health. I say "health" and not weight loss because I feel that if I focus on losing weight and working out, I will ignore the bigger picture: overall health and well-being. I include this pertinent quote from a fellow blogger:
Here's the thing, though: At the end of the day, the week, the month, or the year, all your body knows is whether you exercised and ate right, or if you didn't. No amount of excuses - no matter how "valid" - will change the physical fact that you either did the right thing for your body, or you didn't. Aaron Potts
I don't want to spend any more time in my life focused on what I will do when. When I'm thinner, stronger, healthier, more attractive, etc. I want to focus on each day as including separate goals so that I will be living in the here and now as opposed to the future or the past.
I felt my best when I was taking an adult ed. weight lifting class with Rod Record back in the early '90s. I remember how it felt to be strong and energetic. I especially remember the night that I was lying back to benchpress and felt something sharp under my back...only to check and then realize that it was a shoulder blade. I was delighted with that revelation, but couldn't wait to lose more so that I would be more socially acceptable. Even though I was strong and energetic and felt healthy, I wasn't satisfied with what I had. I still considered myself obese and FAT and ugly and I weighed 158 at 5'4". Living in the now and not the when is something that I constantly remind myself of. Back then, I was living in the future; I would feel better about myself when I was down to a size 10. Size 14 was not acceptable, apparently. Have I mentioned that I'm currently anywhere from a size 24 - 28, depending on the garment? What I wouldn't give to be in that size 14 again! See how past thinking comes into play?
So, keeping all of this rattling around in my brain, I divulge my goals:
Daily - eat three meals that meet the PCOS food plan guidelines
- drink 48 oz of water, minimum
- move more! (walk at school on lunch time, go to the gym, do vigorous yard work, walk at home, etc.)
Weekly - Weigh in and chart weight
- Plan and shop for meals for the next week
- Reach out to at least two people for support
- Post to my blog at least four times a week
- Lose between 1 and 2 pounds
- Treat myself to a non-food reward (new nail polish, flowers for the house, etc.) if I lose at least 1.5 lb.
Monthly - Lose at least 6 - 8 pounds
- Treat myself to a non-food reward ( motivational poster, pedicure, etc.) if I lose at least 6 lb.
These goals are not carved in stone and will be adapted and revised as needed. I have recently accepted and embraced the "carrot on a stick" concept and I delighted in seeing a movie at Railroad Square Cinema after working on and finishing my taxes. After being morbidly obese for sixteen years, I can no longer accept my own excuses for the why of this physical body and I need to live in the here and now of being healthier.
Here's the thing, though: At the end of the day, the week, the month, or the year, all your body knows is whether you exercised and ate right, or if you didn't. No amount of excuses - no matter how "valid" - will change the physical fact that you either did the right thing for your body, or you didn't. Aaron Potts
I don't want to spend any more time in my life focused on what I will do when. When I'm thinner, stronger, healthier, more attractive, etc. I want to focus on each day as including separate goals so that I will be living in the here and now as opposed to the future or the past.
I felt my best when I was taking an adult ed. weight lifting class with Rod Record back in the early '90s. I remember how it felt to be strong and energetic. I especially remember the night that I was lying back to benchpress and felt something sharp under my back...only to check and then realize that it was a shoulder blade. I was delighted with that revelation, but couldn't wait to lose more so that I would be more socially acceptable. Even though I was strong and energetic and felt healthy, I wasn't satisfied with what I had. I still considered myself obese and FAT and ugly and I weighed 158 at 5'4". Living in the now and not the when is something that I constantly remind myself of. Back then, I was living in the future; I would feel better about myself when I was down to a size 10. Size 14 was not acceptable, apparently. Have I mentioned that I'm currently anywhere from a size 24 - 28, depending on the garment? What I wouldn't give to be in that size 14 again! See how past thinking comes into play?
So, keeping all of this rattling around in my brain, I divulge my goals:
Daily - eat three meals that meet the PCOS food plan guidelines
- drink 48 oz of water, minimum
- move more! (walk at school on lunch time, go to the gym, do vigorous yard work, walk at home, etc.)
Weekly - Weigh in and chart weight
- Plan and shop for meals for the next week
- Reach out to at least two people for support
- Post to my blog at least four times a week
- Lose between 1 and 2 pounds
- Treat myself to a non-food reward (new nail polish, flowers for the house, etc.) if I lose at least 1.5 lb.
Monthly - Lose at least 6 - 8 pounds
- Treat myself to a non-food reward ( motivational poster, pedicure, etc.) if I lose at least 6 lb.
These goals are not carved in stone and will be adapted and revised as needed. I have recently accepted and embraced the "carrot on a stick" concept and I delighted in seeing a movie at Railroad Square Cinema after working on and finishing my taxes. After being morbidly obese for sixteen years, I can no longer accept my own excuses for the why of this physical body and I need to live in the here and now of being healthier.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Inspiration
Every time I walk or work out, I find inspiration in something around me. What I love about Littlefield's are the discreetly placed posters containing inspirational words. While working out, I read and re-read the words...trying to ingrain them in my mind so that I can call them back to memory when I'm hitting a rough patch. There is a saying about Love being a journey, not a destination and I remind myself to keep this in mind about my weight loss journey. It won't always be pretty and it will be hard, slogging work, but if I continually put one foot in front of the other, I'll make progress.
Kendra Littlefield put a link to this blog on the Littlefield's Gym website so that I may inspire others. Me? I hadn't thought of offering inspiration to others. :) I want to focus on this journey and help others if I can. You are not alone. Just saying those words reminds me that neither am I. I have friends, family, and medical professionals who are in my circle of support. I am a happy woman who appreciates that support and I hope to help others along the way. My emotions and thoughts are feeling jumbled and scattered so I'm rambling. Tomorrow I will post what my short and long-term goals are. If I can just break the 260 lb. barrier, I think I will be over the hump.
Kendra Littlefield put a link to this blog on the Littlefield's Gym website so that I may inspire others. Me? I hadn't thought of offering inspiration to others. :) I want to focus on this journey and help others if I can. You are not alone. Just saying those words reminds me that neither am I. I have friends, family, and medical professionals who are in my circle of support. I am a happy woman who appreciates that support and I hope to help others along the way. My emotions and thoughts are feeling jumbled and scattered so I'm rambling. Tomorrow I will post what my short and long-term goals are. If I can just break the 260 lb. barrier, I think I will be over the hump.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Food journals, anyone?
I got to work today and found that after an active weekend, I gained a pound and a half. Oh, well. I am determined to continue and to do better...whatever that looks like. I know that persistence will prevail.
I have always hated having food journals, but if now is the time to get serious, I need to shake hands with the process and get it done. One of my largest challenges is getting in the snacks required for the PCOS eating plan. I barely have enough time to use the bathroom in between classes so eating then (in five minutes), is just not practical. I may have to build in a couple minutes to eat the necessary snacks.
The easiest meal of the day for me is breakfast. I could eat one egg and a serving of Raisin Bran with milk along with the coffee forever. I now use either "Yellow" or "Blue" in my coffee and iced tea instead of sugar. Now I need to work on getting in the snacks and to continue preparing my lunches for work. Today I had 4 oz. ham, 1/2 c. mashed potatoes, 1 serving broccoli and cauliflower, a banana, and a yogurt. I should have saved the yogurt for my afternoon snack, but I ate it now.
I have always hated having food journals, but if now is the time to get serious, I need to shake hands with the process and get it done. One of my largest challenges is getting in the snacks required for the PCOS eating plan. I barely have enough time to use the bathroom in between classes so eating then (in five minutes), is just not practical. I may have to build in a couple minutes to eat the necessary snacks.
The easiest meal of the day for me is breakfast. I could eat one egg and a serving of Raisin Bran with milk along with the coffee forever. I now use either "Yellow" or "Blue" in my coffee and iced tea instead of sugar. Now I need to work on getting in the snacks and to continue preparing my lunches for work. Today I had 4 oz. ham, 1/2 c. mashed potatoes, 1 serving broccoli and cauliflower, a banana, and a yogurt. I should have saved the yogurt for my afternoon snack, but I ate it now.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Day Whatever
Although the caption on this entry sounds apathetic, it's because I have been on this journey for what seems like my entire life. Believe me, I am not apathetic. I am more determined than I have ever been in my entire life. I am working hard to become healthier. You see, I weigh 281 lb. and have been near this weight for sixteen years. I am 45 years old and have had enough. I am losing out on living a life that is active. I have prevented myself from enjoying pastimes such as kayaking, dancing, hiking, gardening, etc. because I'm too obese. Fat. Chunky. Overweight. Whatever is the preferred word, medically I am "morbidly obese" and that's that.
I have factors that make weight loss difficult (PCOS, hypothyroid, slow metabolism, etc.), but not impossible. If I follow the food plan that a dietitian created for me, I do lose weight. Once I've lost a few pounds, I get ? and gain it back. For once, I am going to LIVE BRAVE and face my fears.
I will lose weight because I am fearless and fierce. I have to be in order to be healthy, strong, and vital. I was told that my life expectancy is reduced by 13 years due to my overweight and to me, this is not acceptable. I want to be around and have a better quality of life.
I have set my goals. I have attended a lap-band, gastric bypass seminar and have asked my primary care physician (PCP) to make a referral. The process from seminar to surgery is supposed to take anywhere from 4 - 12 months. While I am progressing with the surgery information and pre-op hoops, I will try harder than I ever have to become healthier. Do I want weight loss surgery? Hell, no.
I'm scared. I'm terrified to have surgery and more terrified of dying or, worse yet, having a stroke and being unable to care for myself. Rather than having this fear immobilize me, I am putting it to work for me so that I am channeling it into being stronger.
I have taken other steps besides looking into WLS for getting to a healthier weight. I have joined Littlefield's Gym in Oakland and have begun shopping for healthier meal selections. I have been walking at work during my lunch time. I have begun eating more fruit and vegetables. I am working out or walking at least once, if not twice, a day. I have cut down on the amount of TV I watch.
Join me as I travel the hills, valleys, and long stretches of terrain that will be my weight loss journey.
I have factors that make weight loss difficult (PCOS, hypothyroid, slow metabolism, etc.), but not impossible. If I follow the food plan that a dietitian created for me, I do lose weight. Once I've lost a few pounds, I get ? and gain it back. For once, I am going to LIVE BRAVE and face my fears.
I will lose weight because I am fearless and fierce. I have to be in order to be healthy, strong, and vital. I was told that my life expectancy is reduced by 13 years due to my overweight and to me, this is not acceptable. I want to be around and have a better quality of life.
I have set my goals. I have attended a lap-band, gastric bypass seminar and have asked my primary care physician (PCP) to make a referral. The process from seminar to surgery is supposed to take anywhere from 4 - 12 months. While I am progressing with the surgery information and pre-op hoops, I will try harder than I ever have to become healthier. Do I want weight loss surgery? Hell, no.
I'm scared. I'm terrified to have surgery and more terrified of dying or, worse yet, having a stroke and being unable to care for myself. Rather than having this fear immobilize me, I am putting it to work for me so that I am channeling it into being stronger.
I have taken other steps besides looking into WLS for getting to a healthier weight. I have joined Littlefield's Gym in Oakland and have begun shopping for healthier meal selections. I have been walking at work during my lunch time. I have begun eating more fruit and vegetables. I am working out or walking at least once, if not twice, a day. I have cut down on the amount of TV I watch.
Join me as I travel the hills, valleys, and long stretches of terrain that will be my weight loss journey.
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