Goal Setting

I neglected to post yesterday, but I did spend considerable time debating my short and long-term goals for my health. I say "health" and not weight loss because I feel that if I focus on losing weight and working out, I will ignore the bigger picture: overall health and well-being. I include this pertinent quote from a fellow blogger:

Here's the thing, though: At the end of the day, the week, the month, or the year, all your body knows is whether you exercised and ate right, or if you didn't. No amount of excuses - no matter how "valid" - will change the physical fact that you either did the right thing for your body, or you didn't. Aaron Potts

I don't want to spend any more time in my life focused on what I will do when. When I'm thinner, stronger, healthier, more attractive, etc. I want to focus on each day as including separate goals so that I will be living in the here and now as opposed to the future or the past.

I felt my best when I was taking an adult ed. weight lifting class with Rod Record back in the early '90s. I remember how it felt to be strong and energetic. I especially remember the night that I was lying back to benchpress and felt something sharp under my back...only to check and then realize that it was a shoulder blade. I was delighted with that revelation, but couldn't wait to lose more so that I would be more socially acceptable. Even though I was strong and energetic and felt healthy, I wasn't satisfied with what I had. I still considered myself obese and FAT and ugly and I weighed 158 at 5'4". Living in the now and not the when is something that I constantly remind myself of. Back then, I was living in the future; I would feel better about myself when I was down to a size 10. Size 14 was not acceptable, apparently. Have I mentioned that I'm currently anywhere from a size 24 - 28, depending on the garment? What I wouldn't give to be in that size 14 again! See how past thinking comes into play?

So, keeping all of this rattling around in my brain, I divulge my goals:

Daily - eat three meals that meet the PCOS food plan guidelines
- drink 48 oz of water, minimum
- move more! (walk at school on lunch time, go to the gym, do vigorous yard work, walk at home, etc.)

Weekly - Weigh in and chart weight
- Plan and shop for meals for the next week
- Reach out to at least two people for support
- Post to my blog at least four times a week
- Lose between 1 and 2 pounds
- Treat myself to a non-food reward (new nail polish, flowers for the house, etc.) if I lose at least 1.5 lb.

Monthly - Lose at least 6 - 8 pounds
- Treat myself to a non-food reward ( motivational poster, pedicure, etc.) if I lose at least 6 lb.

These goals are not carved in stone and will be adapted and revised as needed. I have recently accepted and embraced the "carrot on a stick" concept and I delighted in seeing a movie at Railroad Square Cinema after working on and finishing my taxes. After being morbidly obese for sixteen years, I can no longer accept my own excuses for the why of this physical body and I need to live in the here and now of being healthier.

Inspiration

Every time I walk or work out, I find inspiration in something around me. What I love about Littlefield's are the discreetly placed posters containing inspirational words. While working out, I read and re-read the words...trying to ingrain them in my mind so that I can call them back to memory when I'm hitting a rough patch. There is a saying about Love being a journey, not a destination and I remind myself to keep this in mind about my weight loss journey. It won't always be pretty and it will be hard, slogging work, but if I continually put one foot in front of the other, I'll make progress.

Kendra Littlefield put a link to this blog on the Littlefield's Gym website so that I may inspire others. Me? I hadn't thought of offering inspiration to others. :) I want to focus on this journey and help others if I can. You are not alone. Just saying those words reminds me that neither am I. I have friends, family, and medical professionals who are in my circle of support. I am a happy woman who appreciates that support and I hope to help others along the way. My emotions and thoughts are feeling jumbled and scattered so I'm rambling. Tomorrow I will post what my short and long-term goals are. If I can just break the 260 lb. barrier, I think I will be over the hump.

Food journals, anyone?

I got to work today and found that after an active weekend, I gained a pound and a half. Oh, well. I am determined to continue and to do better...whatever that looks like. I know that persistence will prevail.

I have always hated having food journals, but if now is the time to get serious, I need to shake hands with the process and get it done. One of my largest challenges is getting in the snacks required for the PCOS eating plan. I barely have enough time to use the bathroom in between classes so eating then (in five minutes), is just not practical. I may have to build in a couple minutes to eat the necessary snacks.

The easiest meal of the day for me is breakfast. I could eat one egg and a serving of Raisin Bran with milk along with the coffee forever. I now use either "Yellow" or "Blue" in my coffee and iced tea instead of sugar. Now I need to work on getting in the snacks and to continue preparing my lunches for work. Today I had 4 oz. ham, 1/2 c. mashed potatoes, 1 serving broccoli and cauliflower, a banana, and a yogurt. I should have saved the yogurt for my afternoon snack, but I ate it now.

Day Whatever

Although the caption on this entry sounds apathetic, it's because I have been on this journey for what seems like my entire life. Believe me, I am not apathetic. I am more determined than I have ever been in my entire life. I am working hard to become healthier. You see, I weigh 281 lb. and have been near this weight for sixteen years. I am 45 years old and have had enough. I am losing out on living a life that is active. I have prevented myself from enjoying pastimes such as kayaking, dancing, hiking, gardening, etc. because I'm too obese. Fat. Chunky. Overweight. Whatever is the preferred word, medically I am "morbidly obese" and that's that.

I have factors that make weight loss difficult (PCOS, hypothyroid, slow metabolism, etc.), but not impossible. If I follow the food plan that a dietitian created for me, I do lose weight. Once I've lost a few pounds, I get ? and gain it back. For once, I am going to LIVE BRAVE and face my fears.

I will lose weight because I am fearless and fierce. I have to be in order to be healthy, strong, and vital. I was told that my life expectancy is reduced by 13 years due to my overweight and to me, this is not acceptable. I want to be around and have a better quality of life.

I have set my goals. I have attended a lap-band, gastric bypass seminar and have asked my primary care physician (PCP) to make a referral. The process from seminar to surgery is supposed to take anywhere from 4 - 12 months. While I am progressing with the surgery information and pre-op hoops, I will try harder than I ever have to become healthier. Do I want weight loss surgery? Hell, no.

I'm scared. I'm terrified to have surgery and more terrified of dying or, worse yet, having a stroke and being unable to care for myself. Rather than having this fear immobilize me, I am putting it to work for me so that I am channeling it into being stronger.

I have taken other steps besides looking into WLS for getting to a healthier weight. I have joined Littlefield's Gym in Oakland and have begun shopping for healthier meal selections. I have been walking at work during my lunch time. I have begun eating more fruit and vegetables. I am working out or walking at least once, if not twice, a day. I have cut down on the amount of TV I watch.

Join me as I travel the hills, valleys, and long stretches of terrain that will be my weight loss journey.