Day Whatever

Although the caption on this entry sounds apathetic, it's because I have been on this journey for what seems like my entire life. Believe me, I am not apathetic. I am more determined than I have ever been in my entire life. I am working hard to become healthier. You see, I weigh 281 lb. and have been near this weight for sixteen years. I am 45 years old and have had enough. I am losing out on living a life that is active. I have prevented myself from enjoying pastimes such as kayaking, dancing, hiking, gardening, etc. because I'm too obese. Fat. Chunky. Overweight. Whatever is the preferred word, medically I am "morbidly obese" and that's that.

I have factors that make weight loss difficult (PCOS, hypothyroid, slow metabolism, etc.), but not impossible. If I follow the food plan that a dietitian created for me, I do lose weight. Once I've lost a few pounds, I get ? and gain it back. For once, I am going to LIVE BRAVE and face my fears.

I will lose weight because I am fearless and fierce. I have to be in order to be healthy, strong, and vital. I was told that my life expectancy is reduced by 13 years due to my overweight and to me, this is not acceptable. I want to be around and have a better quality of life.

I have set my goals. I have attended a lap-band, gastric bypass seminar and have asked my primary care physician (PCP) to make a referral. The process from seminar to surgery is supposed to take anywhere from 4 - 12 months. While I am progressing with the surgery information and pre-op hoops, I will try harder than I ever have to become healthier. Do I want weight loss surgery? Hell, no.

I'm scared. I'm terrified to have surgery and more terrified of dying or, worse yet, having a stroke and being unable to care for myself. Rather than having this fear immobilize me, I am putting it to work for me so that I am channeling it into being stronger.

I have taken other steps besides looking into WLS for getting to a healthier weight. I have joined Littlefield's Gym in Oakland and have begun shopping for healthier meal selections. I have been walking at work during my lunch time. I have begun eating more fruit and vegetables. I am working out or walking at least once, if not twice, a day. I have cut down on the amount of TV I watch.

Join me as I travel the hills, valleys, and long stretches of terrain that will be my weight loss journey.